A Path of Healing and Transformation

Dear Beautiful Souls,

I have been meaning to sit down and write this piece for a while now — to ground myself, reflect, and share the deeper reasons why I practice and teach yoga. Today, I’d like to take you on a journey into what yoga truly means to me, why it became such an integral part of my life, and how it continues to transform my being.

Not long ago, one of my students asked me a simple but profound question: "What brought you to yoga?" I paused for a moment, searching within, and replied, "I came to yoga because I was struggling to manage the unsteadiness of emotional turmoil."

At that time, my emotions clouded my decision-making, my thinking, and my discernment. I was suffering in ways I didn’t fully understand, burdened by a past that shaped how I lived my life, interacted with others, and made decisions. Reflecting now, I realize that the trauma of abandonment I experienced in childhood lingered far longer than I thought, silently influencing my path.

A Journey Through Pain and Growth

Growing up, I faced the pain of feeling unsafe and unsupported. Though I’ve come to understand the circumstances that led my parents to make the decisions they did, the truth is that, as a child, I still had to experience abandonment and navigate those emotions on my own. My grandmother, whom I lovingly called "Mum," became my caregiver. She did her best, despite her limitations in literacy and resources, but there were things that my young heart couldn’t fully process or express.

I remember moments of responsibility beyond my years — cooking, cleaning, caring for younger siblings, and working to earn small amounts from rice planting, harvesting, or cutting sugarcane. I also remember riding a motorcycle with my grandmother, reading letters aloud to her, and helping her navigate a world she couldn’t fully read or write. I had to mature quickly and take on the roles of parent, sister, and caregiver while feeling utterly alone.

These experiences left an imprint on me, shaping a quiet, introverted child who later, in her teenage years, became a people-pleaser, desperate to fit in. By my twenties, I longed for love and understanding, and by my early thirties, I found myself lost, unsure of who I was or what I wanted from life.

The Weight of Unexpressed Emotions

Behind all these phases, I carried a fierce anger and unresolved pain. I wanted to forgive my parents, knowing they had suffered too, but the wounds of abandonment remained raw. Where could I express this anger? To whom could I turn? I held this tension in my body, my unspoken emotions becoming a quiet storm within.

At times, the pain felt unbearable, leaving me questioning the purpose of my existence. During those moments, I sought refuge in nature. Climbing a tamarind tree, I would hide away, seeking solace in solitude. I found peace in the stillness, a sense of love that surrounded me in silence. As a child, I couldn’t name what it was, but I felt held by an unseen presence. The whisper of an inner voice assured me, “You are not alone. You are loved.”

I also found a sense of love and connection through nature, animals, and the peace I experienced in temples. Listening to monks chant, hearing the rhythmic prayers, I felt momentarily freed from pain. These moments became lifelines, offering glimpses of the love and purpose that I later found through yoga.

Discovering Yoga as a Path to Healing

Yoga entered my life as a sanctuary. It taught me how to hold space for my emotions — to acknowledge them, embrace them, and allow them to be part of my human experience. Yoga became a practice of remembering who I truly am. It wasn’t about becoming something “more” but about peeling back the layers of ignorance, pain, and conditioning to reconnect with my essence.

Through yoga, I began to understand the meaning of love, service, and presence. It showed me how to cultivate compassion not only for others but also for myself. Yoga gave me tools to shift my perception of life, helping me see beyond the mental suffering I carried. It reminded me that life is short, yet profoundly meaningful, and that our true nature is not confined to this temporary body but is an eternal, boundless consciousness.

Yoga Beyond the Asana

Many of us approach yoga initially through the physical postures, or asana. While these are vital, they are merely the surface. The deeper practice lies in using these postures to understand ourselves — our minds, our emotions, and the layers of conditioning that obscure our truth.

Yoga invites us to move beyond the body, to remember that we are more than our physical forms. This body is temporary, but our consciousness is eternal, seeking experience and expression in this human life. When we hear that “Yoga means union,” we must ask: Union with what? This question is an invitation to reflect, to go inward, and to uncover the answer within ourselves.

Walking the Path Together

For me, yoga is a practice of self-realization. It is a path that guides us to see beyond the distractions of the mind and the limitations of the body, leading us to the core of who we are. It has taught me that love, peace, and clarity come not from external validation but from within.

As you continue your practice, I invite you to approach your asanas with a deeper intention. Let them be a tool for self-discovery, a way to connect with your inner essence. Remember that yoga is not merely about flexibility or strength but about cultivating a relationship with yourself and the universe.

We all carry stories of pain, growth, and the strength it takes to overcome. These experiences shape us, but they do not define us. Through yoga, we can hold space for these stories, allowing them to teach us without overshadowing the truth of who we are.

I am deeply grateful to share this journey with all of you. Your support and presence inspire me to continue learning, practicing, and sharing the wisdom of yoga. May this reflection offer you insight, comfort, or a gentle reminder of your own truth.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading. I see you, and I honor the light within you.

With love and gratitude,
Nok

Namaste x

Vikasa Resort, Koh Samui Thailand